Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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