How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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