He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I cockslap morals
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
