oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
