I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am in a vortex of obligation.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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