You smell like stripper and shame
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
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It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
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WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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