but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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