i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What drink are we having for lunch?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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