You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
