CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There r osticjed everywhere
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
