Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i wish my penis had a tongue
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
