u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
