a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
