I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize