I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
