I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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