Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
