Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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