You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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