Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
