wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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