Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
