Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
