I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
