ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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