i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
