handjob tips. give me some.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
