On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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