gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
