I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There r osticjed everywhere
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
