Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
