The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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