i was born a porn star she said
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
