my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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