The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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