Small penises have feelings too.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
