I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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