so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
