My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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