life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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