my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
