the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
