Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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