Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA