You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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