kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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