saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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