arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
