i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
