So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
