I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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