You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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