Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
