I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
