I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
