OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
