sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
