it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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