Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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