I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
