actually, I'm a sock model
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize