it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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