My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
