used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
