Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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