sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
