my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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