We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
