Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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