I want to have your abortion
home. puking in laundry basket.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
