the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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