im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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