If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
