im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
high people should be assigned attendants
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
