cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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