I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
