apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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